Why the “Fabricio Coloccini for NUFC Manager” story wasn’t completely mental

You can shag my wife but not manage my football club

Ok, I’d better preface this post with a statement to address any twattish backlash of “you don’t know what you’re talking about…etc.” and maybe even point out that yes, I have no fucking clue what I’m on about.  No, I don’t think Colo will become Newcastle manager, or head coach or whatever the press calls it these days.

So, why, if I don’t think he will become manager, am I writing about the possibility?  Well, let’s look at it from the standpoint of head pie-muncher-in-charge, the fat controller himself, Mike Ashley.  Despite my personal loathing for the man who runs my beloved club with such flippancy, I have to admire his business acumen. The guy has turned a big-spending Premier league football club into a profitable business.  I heard quite a lot of talk, when the financial results of the club were released in previous years, that this would be a great thing for Newcastle United.  I may be guilty of saying something similar, but those statements were very short-sighted.  We’ve now evolved from being one of the most ambitious football clubs in Europe to the highest-profile feeder club in the world.  We’re gifted with a talented scouting outfit, sourcing talent from the continent on the cheap that showcases said talent for a couple of seasons, only to turn a profit when the likes of Arsenal, Chelsea etc. come knocking.  It's almost like we’re a division of a slightly more astute version of Trotter’s Independent Trading.

But, what’s that got to do with having Colo as our manager?  It’s simple Mike Ashley mathematics.  By installing Coloccini as our manager, Ashley wouldn’t necessarily have to adjust his contract meaning that there would be no incremental spend.  No signing fee, no agent fee.  In terms of looking at the existing wage bill, it would be almost free for fat Mike.  Mike likes free.  Also, Fabricio’s contract is up at the end of the 2016 campaign, so if the experiment was to fail, the financial penalties of severing the contract would be minimal.  All of this would add up to one happy greedy fat kernt.  And, from a football standpoint, Colo knows the club and team inside and out.  It’s also clear that he commands a great deal of respect from the squad and coaching staff.

Again, I’m fairly certain that this would never happen in the immediate future, I’m merely stating the mentality in which our current regime operates by. This is our standard now. We’re a business first and a football club second and it will probably stay this way until Mike “jogs on”.